I usually dont air my personal issues here because I know everyone else has enough shit going on in their own lives that they don’t need to be burdened with my crap. Today though I’m gonna break my own rule and let those of you who read this regularly know why I am taking time off from writing and the internet in general.

About 10 days ago a drunk college kid broke into my parents home and beat up my mom. Her injuries were severe enough that she’s still in the hospital with a cracked vertabrae and no chance of operation to correct it because there is a high risk of paralysis. Yes he was arrested, he passed out at their dining room table, and yes we are taking it to trial but it’s hard to focus on writing when your worried about your parents and and trying to talk yourself out of tracking this kid down and beating him to within an inch of his life.

On top of that yesterday one of my pet guinea pigs, Katie, passed away. You may think it’s silly to be upset to get upset over the loss of a pet but Katie was special to me. I had received her after losing my first guinea pig Aahz to, of all things, cancer and she filled the void that was in my heart. We got her when she was just a few weeks old and she bonded with me right away. I had Katie for over five years and she and I spent a lot of time together. If I didn’t have her out holding her, I would sneak her carrots or fruit as a treat. She would stretch out on my stomach and go to sleep while I stroked her fur, or would come up and give me a “kiss”. If I was eating something and she was out she had to have a bite as well, be it a popsicle, a shake or in one case a bean from a burrito. Katie was more than a pet to me, she was my kid. I know that’s a cliche but I’m thirty-five and kids aren’t on the horizon right now so they were as close to kids as I have.

So right now my head is spinning and my heart is broken. I’m not asking or seeking sympathy, I just wanted to let those of you who take the time to read my stuff not to expect anything anytime soon. I’m going to take some time to get my thoughts in order and give my heart some time to mend. Thank you for your support and patience, when I get back to the point where I feel like I can write again I will but I honestly don’t know how long that will be.

I was saddened to hear that George Carlin passed away from heart failure on June 22. I know I’m not the first person to mourn his passing in the blog-o-sphere and I certainly hope I won’t be the last. I won’t claim to be an expert on Mr. Carlin or his material. I was aware of who he was growing up but didn’t really “get” who he was until I saw him in Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure as Rufus.

What George Carlin is probably most well known for though is his “7 words you can’t say on TV”. If your reading this around people who are easily offended then don’t click that link! If however you want to see a classic comedy performance by a man who truly enjoyed what he did for a living then click away my friend!

As someone also mentioned George Carlin was also the Conductor on Shining Time Station, which if you’ve seen George do stand up is very ironic! Yet he managed to do the entire series without one (televised) slip up and not one mention of the seven words. There are a ton of George Carlin clips on YouTube, do yourself a favor, grab your headphones, find a quiet spot to yourself and pay tribute to one of the last great comedians of our time and keep his family in your thoughts.

To my loyal readers (all four of you) I will have a new post up soon, I promise. Just have a lot of personal stuff going on right now I have to deal with first. So don’t count me out just yet and please bear with me, I’ll have more snark and sarcasm up soon!

If your looking for a Hellraiser reference, sorry the title is all your gonna get but if your looking for a trip down memory lane then sit down, strap in and hang on for the ride.

I’m halfway thru my thirty-fifth year on this planet and I am honestly amazed at the things I’ve seen happen during my time. In the year I was born we had an NFL team with a perfect season, we had the end of the Viet Nam war, Roe Vs. Wade was decided in the Supreme Court. Pink Floyd released  Dark Side of the Moon and Secretariat won the Triple Crown. We had an energy crisis and Watergate which caused Nixon to resign as president. Granted I wasn’t really a witness to these events but I was born in a pretty eventful year.

I have however seen a movie make people afraid to go in the water, not once but twice! I’ve traveled to a galaxy far, far away not once, not twice but three times!  And I’ve seen the man who created this fantastic universe try his best to destroy everything we loved for years. I’ve seen a childhood hero reborn into someone else just as fantastic. I’ve seen Mount St. Helens erupt and spew ash across the country, Tylenol pulled from shelves because someone tampered with it and who can forget the Cola Wars? Speaking of wars I’ve seen the Cold War end, saw my country invade Panama, Kuwait, Afghanistan and Iraq. I’ve seen a President shot and a Pope too! I’ve seen disasters like the Challenger and the Columbia, I’ve seen the Towers fall and two kids exact they’re brand of “vengeance” on other defenseless others they thought wronged them and others across the country copy this terrible act and wondered what kind of world we live in that something like this could happen.  As a counterbalance to that though I’ve also seen the Berlin Wall come down and families reunited after years of separation. I’ve seen video games go from Pong to Atari to X-Box, from Gameboy to PSP I’ve seen the rise and fall of the arcade, and the decline (and hopefully rise again) of an American classic. 

I’ve seen cell phones go from 15 pound bricks to something barely thicker than a piece of paper, computers too! I’ve seen the Internet blossom from BBS’s to what it is today and met some awesome people in the process. I’ve witnessed the rise and fall of the comic industry and comic movies go from barely watchable to pretty damn awesome! I’ve seen New Coke, Crystal Pepsi, Pepsi Blue, and Pitch Black I and II. I’ve seen cartoons launched to promote toys and toys that inspire cartoons. I’ve seen Transformers movies on the big screen twice. I watched He-Man and knew I had the power! I watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles every day after school and if I couldn’t be a ninja I wanted to be a “real american hero” instead.  I could go on and on and I know there are a lot of things that I’m forgetting about but these are the things that stand out for me at this time. I hope they brought back memories for you as well.   

Sweet baby Jeebus where do I start? I like bad movies that know they’re bad and don’t take themselves too seriously but this is a bad movie that thinks it’s a good movie. Words fail to describe how dumb the plot of this movie is! It starts promisingly enough and is actually watchable for I’d say the first twenty to thirty minutes but after that the wheels fall off and it just gets bad. I’m not a spoiler kind of guy so I’m not gonna say what’s behind “the happening” but if you pay attention to whats going on you’ll figure it out pretty quickly and when you do your gonna ask yourself why you paid $10 for this movie. I’m not kidding folks, I had three beers before watching this thing and not even that helped make it good!

If your gonna watch a movie do yourself a favor and go see Indy or The Hulk or hell even Kung Fu Panda but don’t see this one! Just watching this made me want to kill myself like the people in the movie. It’s sad because M. Night Shamalan or however you spell his name started out really well with “The Sixth Sense” and just went down hill from there. One a scale of 1 to 5 I’d give this stinker a 1, I’d give it a half a point but it did start out ok so I’m gonna give it a mercy point for that. Don’t buy the hype people, stay as far away from this movie as you can!!!

Thanks to DC I had to do the research into finding out why Friday the 13th is considered unlucky and not just for campers at Crystal Lake or for a few unfortunate souls in Manhattan. I guess I shouldn’t complain too much though, I was looking for a new post idea and considered “borrowing” someone else’s idea but I’ll do my best to be original and just steal, I mean “borrow” from Wikipedia instead.

Did you know the fear of Friday the 13th is called paraskavedekatriaphobia?  It’s a word derived from the concatenation of the Greek words Paraskeví  (meaning Friday) and dekatreís (meaning thirteen)  attached to phobía (meaning fear)!  Well now you know, and knowing is half the battle!   Here’s another fun fact for you! This is the only Friday the 13th this year! The next one isn’t until March of next year!

So exaclty why is F13 considered unlucky exactly? The answer may surprise you! In numerology, the number twelve is considered the number of completeness, as reflected in the twelve months of the year, twelve recognized signs of the zodiac, the twelve tribes of Israel, the twelve Apostles of Jesus, etc., whereas the number thirteen was considered irregular, transgressing this completeness. There is also a superstition, thought by some to derive from the Last Supper, that having thirteen people seated at a table will result in the deathof one of the diners. Friday, as the day on which Jesus Christ was crucified, has been viewed both positively and negatively among Christians. Depressing stuff huh? I know what will lighten the mood for you! I’d say it’d even make you feel happy!

Ok now that we’ve gotten the depressing stuff outta the way, let’s talk about the other Friday the 13th! Released in 1980 (Wow! That long ago?)…..you know, I’m not gonna explain the plot to you, if your reading this odds are good you’ve probably already seen at least one of these movies. What I’ll do instead is just put up a link to the previews of the series and let you reminisce. 

Since I did part one up above, here’s Friday the 13th Part Two! This one’s the first movie where Jason is the actual killer. If that’s a spoiler for you, you just need to stop reading this article and walk away. Go on…your not welcome here.  Go!

Ok now that the riff raff is gone it’s on to Friday the 13th Part 3-D! Another milestone in the series, before this one, Jason hid his face with a burlap sack but now he get’s the trademark hockey mask!

Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter: Now we all know this wasn’t the final chapter but this one introduced us to Tommy one of the few recurring characters in the series. Just in case there are still a few people out there who haven’t seen all the installments I’ll play nice and not give away any plot details.

Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning: See? I told you he wasn’t dead! Fun fact #2 The producers had originally wanted Corey Feldman to reprise his role as Tommy. But because he was filming The Goonies, Feldman was only available to do a cameo in the movie’s opening scene. This one is one of the weakest of the franchise in my opinion, feel free to disagree but all disagreeing comments will be deleted! (I’m kidding! Or am I?)

Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives: This just proves that Jason wasn’t dead! The title says it all! Fun fact #3, this is the first F13 I saw in theaters. I had my sister sneak me and some friends of mine into a midnight showing, I’ve been hooked since.

Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood: You know at this point I’m wondering why people insist on going back to Camp Crystal Lake at all. If it was me and I knew that XX people had been killed by a hockey mask wearing psycho I’m staying the hell away from there!

Friday the 13th Part VIII Jason Takes Manhattan: Okay this one goes in the WTFcategory for me. For one Crystal Lake is in IL so how the @#$! did he get to New York and for two what was up with that ending? This to me is THE WORST movie in the series. I know there are some out there who like it and I’m not knocking them but this one just doesn’t do it for me.

Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday No really! It is! The final Friday! Psyche!!! Who are you kidding? This movie made good money so of course they’re gonna make more of them! But where could they go from here? He’s already killed the majority of the people in Crystal Lake and went to the Big Apple and back. Where else could he go? The answer to that question in a second because now it’s time for another Fun Fact! The film features one of Kane Hodder’s only other performances in the series aside from playing Jason. He plays one of the two security guards that the possessed coroner kills (Kane’s character, amusingly, is the one to call Jason “a big old pussy”).

Jason X: Jassssoooooooon! Iiiiiinnnnnnnn! Spppaaaaaaaaaccccccceeeee! Where else can the serial killer on the go for a good time but into outer space? Make of it what you will, for all it’s flaws I actually like this one.

Which brings us to our final entrant. This was the match up that fans dreamed of for years, two horror heavy weights going head to head for the very first time. Who would get the higher body count? Only one way to find out my friends. Let’s get ready to rumble, it’s time for….

Freddy Vs. Jason Fans were waiting for this one since they teased us at the end of Final Friday, I for one was not disappointed. It had Freddy’s wit and sarcasm and Jason’s dispassionate unstoppable brutality. Rumors of a sequel abound but nothing definite had been settled yet.

Well folks that wraps up all the F13 movies to date but I will leave you with this last little goody. Freddy Krueger may have gotten Dokken to do a song for his movies but Alice Cooper trumps Dokken any day!

As I’ve said before I’m not a big fan of commercials but this one makes me laugh every time.

Monkey want’s my burger has even found it’s way into my daily conversations.

If history has taught us anything it’s that actors want to be singers and singers want to be actors and neither one does the other well. Oh sure they may have had a “hit” or two but does anyone still have their copy of Don Johnson’s Heartbeat album? Or what about Eddie Murphy’s How could it be? I’m betting probably not or if they do they’re probably too ashamed to admit it. But it’s these songs that we’re gonna talk about today, from William Shatner to Bruce Willis. From Barry Williams to Leonard Nimoy if I can find it I’m gonna subject you to it (provided you click the link that is)! So without further adieu let the hurting commence!

William Shatner’s “The Transformed Man” Oh mama where do I begin? William Shatner, king of over actors released a spoken word album in 1968. I don’t know who told Shatner this would be a good idea but whoever it was deserves to be dragged out into the street and shot. The dismal sales of the album didn’t stop Shatner from covering Elton John’s Rocket Man on a 1978 sci-fi awards show. Click the link and “enjoy”.

But what would Captain Kirk be without his first officer? Would Spock dare to release an album? Why that would be:

Leonard Nimoy’s “Highly Illogical”Unlike Shatner, Leonard Nimoy actually had some talent and could carry a tune. His Ballad of Bilbo Baggins is now considered a camp classic. It’s….it’s…well you’ll see. Bonus fact, according to Wikipedia Leonard Nimoy also did a cover of Johnny Cash’s “Walk the Line” and released a total of five albums! Sadly I couldn’t find a video for this one because that would have been awesome…in a really painful sort of way. I did however find Mr. Spock singing Highly Illogical yes he sings in character.

Ok, we’ve gotten the worst out of the way, if you’ve made it this far in your either a brave soul or a glutton for punishment. You may know our next entrant from such shows as “Miami Vice” or “Nash Bridges”. I mentioned him earlier, it’s

Don Johnson’s “Heartbeat” Sonny Crockett himself has released a total of three albums so far! Three! What have we down to deserve that? One was bad enough but three? And he did a duet with Barbara Streisand! Now that I’ve truly scared you it’s time for the piece de resistance.

Like Kirk without Spock, where would Crockett be without Tubbs?

Phillip Michael Thomas’s “Living the Book of My Life” was released in 1985 and contained the “hit single” Just the Way I Planned It. Like Don Johnson, Thomas has also released multiple albums but watching this video reminds of Amazon Women on the Moon’s “Blacks without Soul”. And just because it’s funny is this post Bullshit or Not?

I won’t kick a guy when he’s down so I’m gonna go easy on the next guy but I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention

Patrick Swayze’s “She’s like the wind” This was actually a pretty big hit back in the day and for being what it is it’s actually not a bad song. Having beaten the Big C myself I wish Patrick and his family all the best in this trying time.

 Ok now that we have the sentimental b.s. out of the way let’s get back to the fun stuff.

Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.  You know I was coming for you Eddie, you didn’t think I’d forget 1985’s classic “How Could It Be” did you? C’mon! That’s a classic! You even had Rick James help you produce “Party All the Time”! Yes you got your fair share of airplay and yes I admit I recorded it on tape back in the day, but Eddie do us all a favor and stick with voice acting. Please?

You know there are several more celebrities that have tried the singing career but I think I’ve inflicted enough pain and suffering on you for one day so I’m gonna wrap this one for now. Look for another  installment somewhere down the road. Until then…..be afraid. Be very afraid!!!

Yes folks it’s time for another Movie Review with Dan! This time it’s Kung Fu Panda from Dreamworks. I was conflicted about seeing this one, on the one hand I’m not a huge Jack Black fan but I am a cartoon junkie. In the end my love of animation won out and I decided to give this one a go.

If you’ve seen the commercials (which I’m sure you have) you know the basic premise of this one, Po the panda is chosen to be the Dragon Warrior and has to stop the bad guy. Like I said a minute ago, I’m not a huge Jack Black fan but he comes off likeable in this movie. They actually have some big name actors doing the voices of the characters but they never really get much of a chance to showcase their talents. As usual I’m not gonna give away too much in the way of details because I don’t want to spoil it for anyone.

Kung Fu Panda is about what you’d expect from a Dreamworks movie, it’s a lot of the same jokes you’ve seen before just this time with animals instead of people, it’s enough to hold you over until Wall-E comes out later this summer. There are some jokes for adults as well and I found myself laughing at several of the training montages.  On a scale of one to five I’d give it a three, it’s good for kids and delivers a decent message in the end but it’s a tad on the short side coming in at a little over an hour and twenty minutes, but like I said that’s probably perfect for the young ‘uns.

So I was reading Matt’s new post over on X-E and he mentioned how he listens to “Freddy’s Greatest Hits”. If you’ve never heard this musical masterpiece, head over there now and give it a listen. That in part is what inspired today’s post.  Now I know I’m no DJ and it probably won’t bring back any summer time memories but maybe it’ll make you think back to a time when gas was cheap and times were simpler. As a child of the 80’s, I grew up with, in my opinion, some of the greatest music ever made. Think about it, you had the heyday of Hair Metal, you had the emergence of Weird Al and some of the best stalker songs of all time! Wait….stalker songs? Oh yeah, think about it! Jenny (867-5309) and Every breath you take by The Police. Have you listened to these songs? They are full on stalkers! And don’t even get me started on Rockwell’s magnum opus! Ok maybe that last one is more about paranoia than stalking someone but close enough.

But I digress, this post isn’t about stalker music, it’s about the music of the ’80’s and what it took (or didn’t take in some cases) to make a hit single. Let’s face it kids today wouldn’t buy a song about chess or about self gratification (ok, they may buy this one) but this is the music I grew up loving. This music in part made me the person I am today. I can’t tell you how many days I went around wishing I had Jessie’s girl or that I could Rock the Casbah! I hoped that one day I might visit a land down under. Late at night I’d lock my door and Walk the DInosaur while I rocked down to Electric Avenue.

Movies weren’t safe from cheesy music either, who didn’t want to get Footloose while driving down that Highway to the Danger Zone to be a Ghostbuster? But in the end we knew we’d be all right because if nothing else all we had to do was Jump.

We had our fair share of love songs as well, everyone knew that Love was a battlefield and Girls just wanted to have fun and the boys were Hot for Teacher. But they were also responsible in the 80’s, they wanted us to know that abstinence was an option and we didn’t have to take our clothes off to have a good time after drinking too much red red wine.

No things weren’t perfect back in the ’80’s but for me they were good enough. Thanks for taking a trip down memory lane with me, I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.