Dan’s Corner of the Internet

As I’ve mentioned before I like to people watch and I recently found myself doing just that this last weekend at Wal-Mart. I, like most people, have a love/hate relationship with my local Wal-Mart. Yeah they have pretty decent prices but fighting for parking is a pain in the ass and once you get in justifiable homicide seems like a plausible option! Regardless of this I needed groceries and with my limited funds Wal-Mart was the place to go. If you’ve only ever gone into Wal-mart to shop you really should take some time from the rude people and crowded aisles to sit down and just watch how people interact with each other and behave when they think no one is looking, you’ll be shocked and amazed at what you see.

Before I get into my observations I do have to take a moment and thank Josh for inspiring me to take pen and paper with me in case the inspiration for a post presents itself. If it hadn’t been for him I doubt I’d remember half of the things I saw and this post would probably be really short and boring.

Boy where do I start? I’m looking over my list (no you can’t see it, it’s mine!) and there’s so much stuff on there! One of these days I’ll actually buy a cell phone and that cell phone will have a camera on it so I can actually document the weird things I see and you won’t call me a liar! I guess any trip to  Wal-Mart (henceforth known as WM because I’m tired of writing it out ;P) wouldn’t be complete without the screaming children. Just on a whim I decided to keep track of these little darlings and I was shocked at how many there were! All total there were 17 screaming children in my WM excursion, 21 if you count the one little girl I saw crying four times because her sister wouldn’t giver her the bouncy ball. Speaking of those two, they actually bring me to my next “observation” an indoor soccer game! That’s right folks those two little “darlings” decided it would be a good idea to play soccer in the WM aisles, people and displays be damned! I was lucky enough to not get hit by the ball but some of the others around me were not so lucky nor were they amused! Speaking of annoying noises, you know those anti-theft alarms all stores have?  Yeah the one at my WM must be super sensitive because I heard it go off at least three separate times! Either that or people are bound and determined to steal from WM!

I was also lucky enough to hit WM in the middle of the back to school supply frenzy. I had no idea it was that vital to get the last package of #2 pencils. People were literally fighting over pencils and markers! It was insane! The best part about the whole ordeal was the Mom wearing the stripper shoes/dress in the WM. She literally looked like she had just walked off the stage and was there with her horribly embarrassed daughter. The other casualty of the back to school madness? The kid’s who got lost from their parent’s when they decided to go to the toy section and let Mom duke it out with the rest of them. Yes poor Junior was wandering up and down the aisle, on the verge of tears looking for his long lost mother. I don’t know that he ever found her but I’d assume he did.

Speaking of the toy section, the Lucas marketing machine is in full effect. I lost track of how many kids I saw proudly carrying their very own light saber that Mom and Dad agreed to buy for them. I just hope the little buggers don’t go see The Clone Wars but if they do they’ll probably still be too young to care. I also saw two little kids who damn near broke my heart. They were both carrying Batman toys that they knew they were gonna get until that is their Mom told them to put them down. The older brother was disappointed but put his down and walked away, the little brother though put his down and knelt down to whisper something to them and waved goodbye as he walked away.  Ok enough with the sappy, did you know WM still sells fish? I had no idea! I thought they’d stopped carrying pets and had moved on to supplies only but I saw two kids carrying bags of fish that were sure to be dead the next day. Speaking of pet supplies, if I ever realize my dream of directing “adult entertainment” (ok not really but I needed a good segue) I have the name of my first movie thanks to WM brand dog food. It was called, I kid you not, Moist & Meaty. How perfect is that for a porn title?

On that note I’m gonna wrap up part one of my excursion to WM because I have a lot more to cover and if I do it all in one post this thing is gonna be like 5 million words long. That and I already did one post already today and if I do more than that your just gonna get spoiled and expect that all the time. If your still wanting more reading material and can handle some NSFW content I gotta give a shout out to my boy Flabslapper. He’s sick and twisted and seems to have a thing for Josh but he does make me laugh.