Dan’s Corner of the Internet

So Titanic has been on TV quite a bit this weekend and watching it again has just reinforced what I’ve been saying for years, Rose killed Jack. If you haven’t seen Titanic, sorry to spoil it for you but the boat sinks, Jack dies and Rose is the old lady. Now I know your probably asking yourself how I came to the conclusion that Rose is a murderer and I’ll explain that in just a moment.  Titanic is one of those movie you either love or you hate. I admit that I’ve seen it more than my fair share of times and I blame this on the fact that I was single at the time and well Titanic = dates. I know I said earlier it was a love it or hate it movie but I have to admit I’m kinda torn about it myself. On one hand I’m a history junkie and the part where the ship is going down is really well done but the rest of it…..meh. Maybe it’s the fact that there was so much hype around the movie, both good and bad before it came out, maybe it was the fact that DiCaprio just irks the crap outta me but if it wasn’t for the historical aspect of the movie I doubt I’d have seen this one in theaters.

But I digress, back to my original point about Rose being a murderer. I actually have facts to back this up, Ok it’s more like a fact but still after reading my “compelling argument” you’ll agree that she is indeed responsible for his death. Ok so in the movie Jack and Rose have already bumped uglies and declared their undying love for each other and the ship is going down faster than Rose did on their first date. Yes I did just go there, it’s my blog I can do that ! Jack puts Rose on a lifeboat so she can row to safety with the other women and children and what does she do? She gets off the damn boat! Ok I’m all about love and romance but if I put you on a boat to save your life you damn well better stay on the boat! But not our Rose, no she’d rather die with Jack than go on living alone, and in doing so she kills the man she loves. See if she had just kept her dumb ass on the lifeboat Jack could have clung to the piece of debris that she was on at the end of the movie and they could have lived happily ever after. Instead Jack does the noble thing and gives her the flotsam with a smile and a “No dear, you float to safety on the piece of wood that could have saved my life if only you had been smart while I float here and freeze to death” look.  Ok, maybe I’m reading too much into this movie and just need to get a life but if you have a sense of humor and want a shorter, funnier version I recommend Thumbtanic by Steve Odekirk, or any of the Thumb movies for that matter. It’ll save you about two and a half hours of your life and the theme song is a lot less annoying than that damn Celine Dion song I promise.